Planning a Jewish Funeral Service

By Rabbi Jonathan Feldman-18 min read-Practical Guide

Planning a funeral is one of life's most difficult tasks, especially while coping with grief. This comprehensive guide will help you navigate Jewish funeral traditions, make necessary arrangements, and ensure your loved one receives a dignified final tribute that honors both Jewish law and their unique life.

Quick Action Checklist

If you need to act immediately:

  • - Contact a Jewish funeral home or Chevra Kadisha
  • - Notify your rabbi
  • - Obtain death certificate
  • - Notify immediate family
  • - Arrange for body care according to Jewish law

Immediate First Steps

Jewish tradition requires burial as soon as possible, typically within 24 hours of death. While this timeline may be adjusted for practical reasons (distant family, Shabbat, holidays), prompt action is still important.

Within the First Hour

  • - Contact Jewish funeral home (they can guide you through everything)
  • - Notify your synagogue and rabbi
  • - If death occurred at home, don't move the body until funeral home arrives
  • - Begin notifying immediate family members

Within the First Few Hours

  • - Meet with funeral director to make arrangements
  • - Obtain death certificates (order multiple copies)
  • - Select cemetery plot if not pre-arranged
  • - Begin planning service details with rabbi
  • - Contact Chevra Kadisha for ritual preparation

Choosing a Funeral Home

Selecting a funeral home experienced in Jewish traditions is crucial. Jewish funeral homes understand halacha (Jewish law) and can ensure all religious requirements are met.

What to Look For:

  • Jewish Expertise: Staff knowledgeable about Jewish funeral customs
  • Chevra Kadisha Coordination: Works with local burial society for ritual preparation
  • Cemetery Relationships: Established relationships with Jewish cemeteries
  • Transparent Pricing: Clear, itemized pricing with no hidden fees
  • Compassionate Service: Patient staff who respect your grief
  • 24/7 Availability: Can respond immediately when death occurs

Questions to Ask:

  • Do you have experience with [your denomination - Orthodox, Conservative, Reform]?
  • What is included in your basic service fee?
  • Do you coordinate with our synagogue and Chevra Kadisha?
  • Can you arrange burial on short notice?
  • What are your payment options?

Find a Jewish Funeral Home

Our directory lists experienced Jewish funeral homes in your area who understand and respect Jewish traditions.

Browse Funeral Homes

The Chevra Kadisha (Burial Society)

The Chevra Kadisha is a volunteer organization that performs the sacred duty of preparing the deceased for burial according to Jewish law. This includes tahara (ritual washing and purification) and dressing the body in traditional shrouds (tachrichim).

This service is usually provided by your synagogue or local Jewish community at no charge, though donations are often accepted. The work of the Chevra Kadisha is considered one of the highest forms of chesed (kindness) as it's a mitzvah that can never be repaid by its recipient.

What Happens During Tahara

The Chevra Kadisha performs these sacred rituals:

  • - Ritual washing and cleansing of the body
  • - Dressing in simple white linen shrouds
  • - Recitation of prayers throughout the process
  • - Placing the body in a simple wooden casket
  • - Treating the deceased with utmost dignity and respect

Selecting a Casket

Jewish tradition emphasizes simplicity and equality in death. Traditional Jewish law requires:

  • All-Wood Construction: No metal parts, nails, or hardware
  • Simple Design: Unadorned, without fancy finishes
  • Biodegradable: Allows natural return to earth
  • Equality: Rich and poor buried in same type of casket

Reform and some Conservative communities may permit other casket types, but many families choose traditional wooden caskets regardless of denomination, appreciating the simplicity and environmental consciousness.

Note on Costs: While some caskets can be very expensive, a traditional simple wooden casket is often among the most affordable options. Don't feel pressured to purchase elaborate caskets that conflict with Jewish values of simplicity.

Cemetery Selection and Burial Plot

If your family doesn't already own a cemetery plot, you'll need to select one quickly. Consider:

Jewish Cemetery:

Traditional Jewish law requires burial in a Jewish cemetery. These cemeteries maintain perpetual care and follow Jewish burial practices.

Location Considerations:

  • Proximity to family members for visiting
  • Cemetery rules regarding headstones and decorations
  • Availability of family plots for future burials
  • Cost and payment options
  • Perpetual care provisions

Synagogue Cemeteries:

Many synagogues maintain their own cemeteries or have sections in larger cemeteries. These often offer preferred pricing for members.

Planning the Funeral Service

Work with your rabbi to plan a meaningful service. Jewish funeral services are typically brief (20-45 minutes) and focus on honoring the deceased while providing comfort to mourners.

Typical Service Components

  • Psalm Readings: Traditionally Psalm 23 and others
  • Eulogy (Hesped): Delivered by rabbi and/or family members
  • El Malei Rachamim: Memorial prayer for the deceased
  • Kaddish: Mourner's prayer recited by family
  • Keriah: Ritual tearing of garments (often done with ribbon)

Decisions to Make:

  • Location: Funeral home chapel, synagogue, or graveside only
  • Who Will Speak: Rabbi, family members, friends (keep eulogies brief and appropriate)
  • Open or Closed Casket: Jewish tradition typically prefers closed
  • Music: Some traditions permit certain Jewish songs or niggunim
  • Timing: Coordinate with family travel, but keep as prompt as possible

The Burial Service

The graveside service is the final farewell. Key elements include:

  • Lowering the Casket: The casket is lowered into the grave. In many communities, family members and mourners participate in filling the grave with earth, which is considered a great mitzvah.
  • Filling the Grave: Mourners take turns shoveling earth into the grave. Traditionally, the shovel is not passed hand-to-hand but placed in the ground for the next person, symbolizing that we don't "pass along" death.
  • Kaddish: The Mourner's Kaddish is recited at the graveside.
  • Comforting the Mourners: Attendees form two lines through which the mourners walk, while being greeted with "May God comfort you among all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem."
  • Hand Washing: Before leaving the cemetery, people wash hands as a ritual purification.

Understanding Costs

Jewish funeral costs vary widely by location and choices made. Being informed helps you make appropriate decisions without financial pressure during an emotional time.

Typical Cost Breakdown

  • Funeral Home Basic Services: $2,000 - $4,000
  • Casket: $1,000 - $8,000 (simple wooden: $1,000-$2,500)
  • Cemetery Plot: $1,000 - $15,000 (varies greatly by region)
  • Opening/Closing Grave: $1,000 - $3,000
  • Headstone: $1,500 - $5,000
  • Death Certificates: $10 - $25 each
  • Newspaper Obituaries: $200 - $1,000+

Total Range: $7,000 - $35,000+

Ways to Manage Costs:

  • Choose traditional simple wooden casket (often less expensive and preferred)
  • Ask about synagogue member discounts on cemetery plots
  • Compare prices between funeral homes (required by law)
  • Consider pre-owned family plots if available
  • Publish obituary online rather than in print newspapers
  • Ask about Jewish communal assistance funds if needed

Financial Assistance: Many Jewish communities have gemilut chasadim (free loan) societies or burial assistance funds to help families who cannot afford funeral costs. Speak confidentially with your rabbi or local Jewish Family Services.

Preparing for Shiva

The funeral home and your community will help you prepare for the shiva period following the burial:

Before Returning Home:

  • Arrange for the "meal of condolence" (typically prepared by friends/community)
  • Set up low chairs or stools for mourners
  • Cover mirrors (traditional custom)
  • Light shiva candle (burns for seven days)
  • Arrange daily minyan if you'll be hosting services
  • Notify friends about shiva times and address

Community Support:

Many synagogues coordinate meal preparation, minyan attendance, and practical help during shiva. Don't hesitate to accept this support - it's a mitzvah for the community to provide it.

Administrative Tasks

While overwhelming during grief, certain administrative tasks require attention:

Essential Notifications

  • - Social Security Administration (funeral home often does this)
  • - Life insurance companies
  • - Employer/pension plans
  • - Banks and financial institutions
  • - Credit card companies
  • - Utilities and subscriptions
  • - Veterans Affairs (if applicable)
  • - Attorney (if estate planning is needed)

Don't feel you must handle everything immediately. Focus on the funeral and shiva first. Other administrative matters can wait a few weeks.

Special Circumstances

Death on Shabbat or Holidays:

Burial cannot occur on Shabbat or major holidays. The body will be kept until after Shabbat/holiday ends. Your funeral home and rabbi will coordinate timing. For consecutive holidays, burial may be delayed several days.

Out-of-Town Family:

While Jewish tradition emphasizes prompt burial, reasonable accommodation for close family to attend is acceptable. Discuss timing with your rabbi.

Autopsy or Organ Donation:

Traditional Jewish law has reservations about autopsy and organ donation, but many rabbis permit these under certain circumstances. If relevant, consult your rabbi immediately as time is often critical.

Death Away From Home:

If death occurs while traveling, a Jewish funeral home can coordinate transport of the body to your home community. Airlines have specific procedures for this, which the funeral home will handle.

Taking Care of Yourself

Planning a funeral while grieving is exhausting. Remember:

  • Accept help from family, friends, and community
  • You don't need to make every decision alone
  • It's okay to take breaks and step away
  • Lean on professionals - they're there to guide you
  • There's no "perfect" funeral - focus on honoring your loved one
  • Grief is individual - allow yourself to feel what you feel

The period after a death is one of the most challenging times in life. Jewish tradition provides structure, community support, and wisdom accumulated over millennia to help you through it.

Conclusion

Planning a Jewish funeral means honoring tradition while celebrating a unique life. With guidance from your rabbi, funeral home, and community, you'll create a meaningful tribute that provides comfort to mourners and respects both Jewish values and your loved one's memory.

Remember that the rituals and customs of Jewish mourning exist not just to honor the dead, but to support the living through grief. Allow yourself to be supported, lean on tradition, and trust that the path outlined by Jewish wisdom will help you through this difficult time.

May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem